I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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