If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Boobs speak an international language.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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