i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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