Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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