you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
