Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
