Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
