Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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