Sry I called you an 8
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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