Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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