just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
