I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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