There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He shit in the fireplace
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
