do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i would punch a child for taco bell
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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