My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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