If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize