Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
