she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
