I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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