I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
