why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
