Too much gin, very little bucket
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
