Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
