just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
