What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
