Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
