Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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