Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I fill condoms, not promises.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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