On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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