The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
