Where are you?
In a non slutty way
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am one with the molecules
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
