Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
