There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
