Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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