just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
