I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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