Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
