You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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