I can tuck mytits in my pants
I look better un-naked...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize