Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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