the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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