The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
