Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
