He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
