I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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