I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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