she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
