I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
