I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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