There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
