Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
