I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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