I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize