this beer tastes like vomit already
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
