I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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