i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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