my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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