I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
