Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
