That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
