i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
