I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
