Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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