The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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