It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
