i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
