Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
