I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
