Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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